Tuesday, November 01, 2005

A Small Incident

Frustration can be summed up in the on-going tug-of-war between children and parents. As a single father of three, at times this tug-of-war seems like a losing battle. I’m constantly on them to pick up this, straighten out that, or think about somebody else beside themselves. It is an ongoing effort to correct, teach, and sometime just maintain normalcy.

You never know, when that time will come where something you have taught your children will come to fruition. A lot of times those little moments come and go and we don’t notice them. They pass before us like the vapors of breath on a cold morning. We know something just happened, but in the whirlwind of life and routine that moment evaporates among the confusion and chaos of ordinary home life. But recently I was able to capture one of these moments with my son, where a change in his attitude showed something was getting through.

Nobody likes to get stuck in a bathroom with no toilet paper. Children, for some reason, think toilet paper appears on the dispenser like Christmas gifts under a tree. Sometimes they want to use it up as quickly as possible to glimpse the magical change from empty to full. My children are no exception. They will leave an empty cardboard role on the dispenser and expectedly wait for the toilet paper fairy, which is me, to place a full role. So that the next trip to the bathroom the process starts all over, again.

But I wanted to change the children’s attitudes from passively expecting to actively participating. So that meant they will change the empty role of toilet paper. Some parents, might think that this is minor and inconsequential; an ‘empty role-smole,’ who cares! But it’s the small things in life that sometimes have the biggest effect.

Recently, I spied an empty toilet paper role in one of the bathrooms, in which I know the culprit had just minutes before left the throne room with book in hand. “Eh, come change this toilet paper!” I let lose. For the toilet paper fairy is dead, I thought. This time no lectures followed noting how my son could help me with the household chores and basic maintenance. Or the speech of how “your part of the fabric of the family,” and “your role is as important as mine, son!” Cosby would be proud. But this time there was none of that; quick action was expected.

So I thought nothing more of it, just another incident in time. But the next thing I know my son is tells me we need more toilet paper. I’m thinking, okay I need to add that to the never-ending list of things to pick up for WalMart. “Dad, I’ve put two extra roles in your bathroom and two in ours,” my son tells me.

“Two extra roles?” I asked.
“Yeah, I took the rest out and replaced both bathrooms,” my son said. Then the moment hit me. As I thanked my son, I realized that he is getting a little more mature. Not only did he replace the empty role in the bathroom he used, but also he replenished both bathrooms! He took it upon himself to show a little bit more responsibility and care. My son was growing up and his awareness increase that day. Was he aware of this change? Probably not, but I was.

This time the vapor appeared, and I saw it briefly. It shimmered for a moment, as I sat and contemplated what just happened. I did not have to tell my son what to do; he did it himself. No poking or prodding from Father. I realized the process is working, slowly but surely it’s working. My child didn’t selflessly place his life on the line that day, nor did he win the Nobel Peace prize, but he did take on a little bit more responsibility than he had yesterday. I was blessed to notice that moment and see the beautiful process continue to unfold in our lives.